Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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