I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
