i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As shirtless as possible
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
