I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
