she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drake has all the answers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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