its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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