he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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