Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
