we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
