I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
