You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
