i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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