the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
