He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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