My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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