I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
