My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
