It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
