We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
