some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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