I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
