you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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