Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
