i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
