i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
