Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
