What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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