I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
