Don't make out with my wife yet
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
