never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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