Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
