Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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