Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
