I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
