ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
