let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
