that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
