You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
