But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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