life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
