I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
