she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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