Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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