Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
