What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
