evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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