i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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