THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
