apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
