Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So vagazzling was a success
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
