yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
