You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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