Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
