I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
